When I was studying coaching at university, one of my lecturers came out to observe me coaching a schoolboy rugby team. It was part of our formal assessment, so I was well prepared. The session I'd designed was, I thought, fantastic. The focus was our defensive system. I had it all mapped out.

As the session ran, I was quietly confident. I was ready for the reinforcing debrief to follow.

It went like this:

Lecturer: Remind me, what was your focus?

Me: Our defensive system

Lecturer: Yea that’s what I thought. So what percentage of your comments or pieces of feedback to the team were directed to defence do you think?

[My confidence was starting to falter]

Me: Ahhh, maybe like 70%…. I think (I hope)

Lecturer: Yea interesting, isn’t it. From what I heard, it was less than 20%

I've thought about that session a lot over the years. And I thought about it again when I read Sam's post. As Sam articulated really well, the ‘accepting reality’ end of the paradox is frustrating, but also full of opportunity for us.

I wonder whether the other end of the paradox, striving for better, is just as frustrating for our players. Because key to striving for better is being clear on what better is, and staying focused on it. In my story, I thought I was nailing the ‘striving for better’ end of the paradox. I had a clear objective, I'd put the work in. But in practice, I was inconsistent and distracted. My players had been told the session was about defence. And then I proceeded to spend 80% of my time coaching everything but defence.

*(I believe that's from Shane Parrish at Farnam Street. It's been in my notes long enough that I wish I'd had it before that session.)

Now compare that to Sam Whitelock — former All Black lock, legendary Crusaders captain — and how he describes what a good week of preparation actually looks like:

And then he adds:

That's the standard. And it's a world away from what I was doing in that session. And it's pointing at exactly the same idea as Parrish. Focus on what actually matters. Then stay there. That focus is what brings clarity.

I've seen how hard that is in practice.

I've been with coaching groups who've had real clarity heading into a game week. The plan is sharp. People understand their roles. Then the game begins, and gradually, what was front and centre all week takes a back seat to whatever's happening in front of them. The team tries to play with width — the focus for the week — they lose the ball, and suddenly that's the focus. The message in the break contradicts what was said on Monday. Instead of reinforcing the goal, instead of being a broken record (another great reference from Whitelock), they react to the noise.

That's my story from the observation session, just scaled up.

This is what I think we need to understand as coaches. When we think of the striving for better end of the paradox, are we focused and clear on what is actually the important stuff for us to strive towards? Or are we hazy, fuzzy, or jumping from one idea to the next, getting distracted by what’s shiny or new? Staying focused on what’s actually important - that’s actually a skill, that helps us push into a better future for our athletes, if we can be consistent with it.

If I were to put it simply:

Clear vision + consistent behaviour toward that vision = better performance

That's the striving end of the paradox, done well. And what I think makes it hard is that staying focused is a skill. It sounds obvious. But it requires active resistance to distraction, to what's shiny, to what just went wrong, to whatever's right in front of you. Staying focused is a skill that helps us push into a better future for our athletes. Sam made the case that accepting reality unlocks your ability to push for better. I'd add: the pushing only works if you're pushing in a consistent direction. Knowing what to strive for isn't enough. You have to keep coming back to it; in the session, in the game, in a season or even across a four-year cycle.

The broken record is the point.

“Focusing on what matters requires continuous effort. There is always something calling for your attention, pulling you away from what matters. It might be a grammar mistake begging to be corrected, an expectation put on you by someone else, or even the gas station across town that’s a few cents cheaper.

Individually, none of these things really distract you that much, but as days turn to weeks, they become an anchor. It’s easy to overestimate the importance of winning the moment and underestimate how it can cost you the ultimate goal.

It’s a daily battle to focus on your ultimate goal, not the quick wins that lead to nowhere you want to go”

Shane Parrish

This is a great post that unpacks excellence as a concept, and you’ll notice a few of the principles relate directly to this idea of focus and consistency towards your vision. Highly recommend subscribing to their newsletter too:

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