The Uncoachable Athlete

We all have our athlete war story. It’s the athlete that won’t listen to us. Feedback falls on deaf ears. They don’t follow our instruction, and they make the same mistakes over and over. Their results aren’t where we think they should be and over time our frustration builds up. We feel we’re struggling to have any impact and influence on them, so eventually we throw our hands up and write them off as “uncoachable.”

Uncoachable… it must be one of the worst things an athlete could be called, with connotations of ego, ill-discipline and poor behaviour getting in the way of them meeting their potential. There is a fundamental problem in using the label “uncoachable”. Coaching, at its core, is a two-way relationship between the athlete and the coach. When we say someone is uncoachable, we’re changing the dynamic of that relationship. The coach is placed in the dominant position, with the burden of responsibility for the success of the relationship falling on the athlete. The implication being the athlete must adapt themselves to the ways of the coach. If they don’t, then they are uncoachable.

In the coach-athlete relationship the focus typically ends up being on the athlete - how they’re performing and what methods can be used to get them performing at even higher levels. Coaches might take an athlete-centred approach, placing the athlete at the centre of every decision - it is all about the athlete! It’s very easy then to extend that same approach when something in the relationship isn’t working. The focus narrows to how the athlete needs to change. But coaching involves two people, so in looking at how to improve the relationship, we need to first look at ourselves, rather than focus solely on the athlete. Charlie Munger (Former Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway – Warren Buffett’s right-hand man) said it best:

If we’re being honest with ourselves, when we label someone as uncoachable, what we are really saying is that we aren’t able to connect or engage with the athlete at this point in time. Athletes are individuals with their own thoughts, fears, dreams, and motivations, which shape their behaviour. It is incumbent on us, as coaches, to become a better partner and tailor our approach to the athletes we are working with.

When the coach-athlete relationship isn’t working the way we think it could, what can we do to help get the outcome we want? It’s worth looking to what experts on building relationships and influencing others in challenging contexts have found helps them.

Dr Arnaud Gagneur has successfully run programs that influence the childhood vaccination rates of families. He says,

When struggling with an athlete, perhaps our time is better spent focusing on how we build trust so the athlete gives us their permission to provide our coaching input.

Chris Voss was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator. In his book Never Split the Difference he wrote,

Rather than continuing to deliver more feedback and instruction to athletes, it might be a better approach to stop, take a step back, ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say.

Taken together, these quotes give us some very simple steps for how we can adjust our actions to create a better environment for the relationship to thrive. It’s often basic changes we can make - get to know the athlete more, learn how they best receive and process feedback rather than assume we know, demonstrate care for them and ensure we have two-way communication, prioritising listening to their thoughts, opinions and ideas.

It is our job as coaches to figure out how to adapt our approach to give the athlete what they need. It is not the athlete’s job to figure out how to be the athlete we think they should be. Remember, in any relationship the easiest person to change is yourself so if you want quick improvement start there!

Here is a link to Collingwood AFL Head Coach Craig McRae’s press conference after Collingwood’s Round 2 loss to St Kilda this year. Just have a listen to the first 2 minutes as he discusses how he approaches things when they’re going wrong.

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